Bobby Hershey Peer Edit

Peer review sheet for 3ResProj

Dr. Archibald’s ENGL 110

Peer Editing Process: The 3Research Project

Reviewers name:  Christopher Lucas

Paper author’s name:  Bobby Hershey

Has the writer written a research paper . . .

[medium]

_X _that joins a conversation (where there is a controversy), that listens to others who have been talking about the topic (old and new docs & sources), and then posits a unique idea(s) in an effort to extend the discussion?

__Or, is the paper substantially a report (a "data-dump") of what others have said?

__Or, is it an extended opinion piece that gives no support for the writer's ideas?

__Or, is it merely plagiarized? (this item trumps everything else and results in an "F" in the course.

Comment:  Overall the paper presents a good argument, while using facts to back up all statements.

[opening & introduction]

_X_that contains an opening to the paper that hooks the reader and introduces the writer and his/her purpose for writing the essay? Is there a forecast of what the paper will contain?

Comment:   Paper presents an introduction and a forecast.

[use of research question & thesis]

_X_where they employ their research question that then is answered in a thesis and set forward in the paper?

Comment:

[use of sources]

_X_where the writer introduce his/her sources, summarize, paraphrase, and/or quote them, and then provide a comment for each one that advances their thesis?

[paragraph construction]

_X_that contains an argument that flows--claim, support, result?

Comment:

[conclusion]

_X_that contains a conclusion that works to sum up or extend the ideas of the paper?

Comment:

[works cited and in-text citations]

_X_that contains well integrated sources, a Works Cited page, and In-text citations conform to the MLA format?

Comment:

Works cited page needs work.

[sentence-level rhetoric]

_X_where the writer has edited the paper carefully for grammatical and punctuation errors?

Comment:

Presentation Feedback

Dear Group Members, please review my presentation and use the critique sheet Dr. Archibald has provided to give me feedback, so that I can improve my presentation.

Sources

Matejka, Michal, Sandra Onderstal, and Anja de Waegenaere. The Effectiveness of Caps on Political Lobbying. N.p.: CentER, 2002. Print.


Feuer, Alan. For Ex-Lobbyist Abramoff, a Multimedia Effort at Redemtion. N.p.: n.p., n.d. Print.

Conference Notes

This past week I had a very productive conference with Dr. Archibald. I figured out how to give my perspective, and how to extend my paper's details. He also gave me an article about the return of Abramoff and how I can add that into my paper. It was very constructive and very helpful. I plan on revising it really soon, and fixing everything he discussed with me.

Sources for the 3ResProj

Bealle, Jackson. Why lobbyists negatively influence the US legislative process. N.p.: n.p., 2007. Web. 11 Nov. 2011. <www.helium.com>

Most of my sources i found using the advanced search options in Google. First I searched "political lobbying", then "positive" or "negative." Using advanced search option, I decreased the amount of hits by more than half.

Conference Notes

In my meeting with Professor Archibald, he told me that my topic was too narrow and that I should open it up. My new topic is Political Lobbying, he discussed with me how I should come about in writing this, and that I should describe both the good and bad perspectives of political lobbying using Jack Abramoff as a bad perspective. The meeting only lasted about ten minutes.

ResProj paper ideas

Although politics is very essential in the U.S., it is sometimes very corrupt.

The first step to being corrupt is to have the power to be corrupt.

In many ways these scandals show what politics is not supposed to be, its not meant to be corrupt, or about favorites.

After reading these quotes from my 2Syn paper what do you think about these topic ideas? Do you understand what I am getting at? Which one sounds best to use for the 3ResProj? Why?

Integrating sources

This is similar to Jack’s background, according to U.S. News Jack was a “superstar Washington lobbyist with lots of well-placed friends.” This should come as no surprise due to the major scandal he pulled-off.

Neither articles describe the proceedings in much detail, but they do give their sentencing. According to the document on Fall, he was “fined $100,000 for accepting the bribe and was placed in jail for a little over 9 months.” I feel that a scandal of this magnitude should be punished for longer than just under a year.

First paragraph of my 2Syn paper

My main topic is politics, and my subtopics are the Teapot Dome Scandal and the Jack Abramoff Indian Gaming Scandal. The Teapot Dome Scandal occurred in the early 1920’s, it happened when Albert Fall leased naval oil fields to private oil companies. The case was sent to Congress and was finally settled. The latter of the scandals is the Jack Abramoff Indian Gaming Scandal, it was sent in the early 2000’s, it happened when lobbyist Jack Abramoff used lobbying money to pay off Congressmen to vote for things that Jack wanted. Some of the comparisons between the two are the money amounts, ranging the types of bribes, the involvement of people outside the government, the resignations of important people, and the length in sentences.

After reading this first paragraph what do you think my paper is about?

What is a synthesis?

A synthesis is a paper that takes two or more topics and uses the similarities to either introduce a new point, or support an already presented one. There are simple steps that have to be taken in order to reach the goal of making a synthesis. First, you must have two or more topics, and then you must research these topics thoroughly finding as much information as you can. After reading the information you must be able to find common ties between these topics and be able to present an idea, or further an idea that was already presented.  Then you must transfer your ideas and evidence support your reasoning to the assignment. In my synthesis I need to correlate the Teapot Dome Scandal to the Jack Abramoff Indian Gaming Scandal. In order to represent my view of connections I need to thoroughly research both subjects and pick out any similarities. Next, I will have to cluster my ideas and make a brainstorming chart. After this I will bring all my ideas together to compare the two scandals, and even put some differences into place.

Insights from reading the document

My topic is politics with The Teapot Dome Scandal as my old topic, and Jack Abramoff tribal-gaming scandal as my new topic. The main differences between the scandals are that the Teapot Dome scandal is a scandal that involves a direct member of the presidential cabinet while the tribal-gaming scandal involves a person that is not directly involved with the government. Albert Fall was the Secretary of the Interior and he had many connections in the government, while Jack Abramoff was a political lobbyist with many ties to the Republican Party. Another difference is how they got the money, and how they spent it. In Albert Fall’s case, he got the money from leasing the oil fields and used the money for his own personal gain, while Jack Abramoff got his money from scamming Indian casinos and used the money to support many Republican congress members and to purchase a skybox at a football arena, a trip to Scotland, and plane tickets to the Marina Islands in order to get money from sweatshop owners, all of these were used to push Republican candidates into listening to him. I will also use the differences in technology, for instance Jack had many e-mails that were used against him in court, while Albert did not have that technology and only met in person. I would like to compare the similarities in their sentencing, on how I feel that their sentencing was not long enough. I would also like to compare their involvement with the government, and on the multiple people that gave their resignation letters due to their involvement with the scandals.

Revising the 1Report assignment

                I plan on revising my paper by introducing the quotations from documents, such as letters and newspaper articles involving President Coolidge and the investigation of The Teapot Dome Scandal. I will also add my opinion and how I feel it relates to the report, and fix a couple proof-reading mistakes and I will try to explain more in some parts of my report. I feel that this will be hard for me because I never had to do a paper that used only quotations as a document. I will work to fix my paper to the best of my ability, to make it acceptable to the assignment. I will change the paragraphs that summarize the events of the Teapot Dome Scandal and I will make them have quotes from either Coolidge himself, or from members of the investigation that were close to him. I will use Coolidge’s statement to the newspaper, a letter written to Coolidge by the Attorney General at the time, and other senators’ statement about the investigation and who should be put in charge of the investigation. The main point that I want to get across in my paper is that corruption can come from both inside and outside the government. In the Teapot Dome Scandal, the corruption comes from within the government due to the actions of the Secretary of the Interior, in other cases the corruption can come from an outside source like the recent actions of Jack Abramoff. I feel that is important for all Americans, especially students, to understand what causes corruption, why they fall for it, and the history of corruption in the United States Government. 

They say/ i say response #1

 In my paper, the exercise that will most help me is exercise 1 on page 28. I believe that it shows me that I need to explain the background, like why the members of the Teapot Dome Scandal did it. In order to present my report I will need to use this exercise to make sure the arguments are not one-sided. In order to do this I must review my report, and have others check my report, to make sure there are no loose ties. After reviewing my paper, I will fix any loose ties that come up. To tie up the loose ends I will answer any questions I have, or any explain parts that can be confusing.

Report Research

 For my report, I will focus on the teapot dome scandal and the secretary of the interior of the time, Albert B. Fall. Most of my research will be from library resources. The main sources that I will be using is an encyclopedia called "Political Corruption in America: An Encyclopedia of Scandals, Power, and Greed" and a periodical entitled  "Scandal Shocks Nation".